These last days, life has become more about bridges than anything else. Of course, my children are always my top priority. Even when all my strength is gone, I push myself for them, no matter what. You know, when you think you’re all out, there’s always at least 20% left.

I’m built for struggling, and thank goodness for that. I guess all humans are, more or less. I just love competing, testing the boundaries of my body, both mentally and physically. I love exploring these limits. Nothing is free, and nothing just falls into place on its own. Life is hard work from beginning to end. Maybe you disagree, and to you, I say – just don’t give up! Stay put, take a pause if you need to, but don’t ever quit! Some may not see life as a struggle at all – well, lucky you! We all have different paths to walk and choices to make.

Despite my burning fighting spirit, these last few weeks have been tough. My physical endurance has decreased, and now I can’t even take a 3 km walk in 75 minutes without experiencing cardiac symptoms during the walk and dreadful fatigue afterward. In a way this should be thrilling, it’s a real challenge that demands patience and mindfulness to endure. But I do look forward to a bit more intense challenges with some more speed and endurance. Still I know I’ll look back on this someday with a smile, knowing I did it. Not the most fun challenge but a very important one.

But right now, I’m in the middle of it. In the middle of an ultramarathon, climbing Mount Everest, or sailing around the world. It doesn’t happen effortlessly; it’s a work in progress.

Today, my oldest daughter said, “I dreamed you had a lot of bridges, so many that they couldn’t remove them all.” At first, a deep sadness struck me, but then I felt grateful because it’s always best to be prepared for the worst.

Next week, I’m going to one of the country’s most reputable hospitals for a provocative IMR test. Doctors in Sweden don’t know much about MB (myocardial bridging). My new cardiologist has extensive experience with cardiac issues, and she seems willing to learn more about her specialty, unlike the one in my hometown who preferred to ignore it. Since 2018, I’ve had a CT, ultrasound, provocative angiography, stress EKG, and long-term EKG – at least once. But I’ve never done a provocative IMR, so this is new. Hopefully, this will be the last test before surgery.

Right now I have to forgive my self. You se there’s a difference between being patient and neglecting yourself. Nobody will fight for you because everyone has their battles. I’ve been neglecting myself by not fully believing in myself and by putting too much trust in medical professionals. You shouldn’t have to read your own medical records, or so I thought. But doctors don’t tell you everything, some things they just write down. And some information doesn’t end up in your records. The detailed report from an examination is just left out from your knowledge by not ending up in your records. At the same time – If you don’t tell your story just right, they won’t see the whole picture. Because the doctors may simply not read your records carefully either, and they will not go for those reports – not the ones I’ve met. And if they did, they just neglected the MB as for so many before me.

It’s a long struggle, and I’m doing it for me, all you out there struggling and for my children. To get my life back and to be the mother I once was, even though I was having symptoms long before even starting a family. Knowing that this runs in families my offsprings should be aware. As long as there are no symptoms, there’s no worry, just love and live life all you can. But if symptoms arise, I do share the knowledge to deal with the problem right away. Not in a 20 year process, that’s just not right. That’s the price I’ve paid and I wish no one else to pay.